


Hermit Crabs Understand Me

by FloralEyeBalls



Series: Dumb AU's [5]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: College AU, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Petes a bit of an emotional wreck, Tumblr AU, hermit crabs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3986428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloralEyeBalls/pseuds/FloralEyeBalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’re the RA and you’re trying to bust me for having hermit crabs" au</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hermit Crabs Understand Me

**Author's Note:**

> So I found this au on tumblr somewhere and put it in my iPhone notes and finally got around to writing it. idk why Pete ended up being so emotionally attached to crabs but whatever 
> 
> Beta'd by Catstiel_Winchespurr <3

Pete had been living on campus at his college for about six months. Pete had been harbouring illegal pets for about five months and three weeks. He's made it so long without being caught because the illegal pets he's keeping are hermit crabs. Four hermit crabs that he keeps in a plastic tank, decorated as a tropical island, sometimes under his bed when he has dorm checks or guests over. 

On one particularly terrible day of classes, Pete gets back to his room only to meet a short blond guy at his door. "Ah hey, can I help you?", the man turned around and Pete nearly cried. It was Patrick, his floors fucking RA. He had a dorm check today that he had completely forgotten about and left his crabs to roam around the little hermit crab play pen Brendon had made for them when he had too much spare time one weekend. 

"Hey Pete, just a dorm check. I'll be quick" Patrick smiled like he didn't notice Pete's frown at his presence 

"Look man, I'm really not in the mood right now, can this wait till another day?" Pete tried hopefully

"No, I'm sorry. regulations, you know? I'll be really quick I promise". Pete was actually going to cry. 

Pete was thinking as fast as he could about other ways to stall Patrick, he couldn't let anyone take his hermit crabs away from him. Where would they go? No one else understood them like Pete did, he knew all their personalities. 

"Hurry up Pete, I have other things to do as well" Patrick huffed after Pete just stood in front of the door with his mouth open for a few minutes. 

"You can't go in there!" Pete blurted out, "because....because there's a really big mouse!" 

"A mouse? It's okay I'm not scared of mice" Patrick rolled his eyes and went to push Pete out of the way.

"No but this mouse has a disease. Rabies. This mouse has rabies so you shouldn't go in there" Pete rambled frantically 

"Pete, I'm beginning to think you have rabies. Either that or your room is full of cocaine and strippers or something...." Patrick laughed but then stopped abruptly, "please tell me your room isn't full of drugs and strippers" Patrick didn't even know Pete that well, they only knew each other's names because of dorm checks and a few mutual friends. But he knew that Pete had a reputation for doing dumb things. 

"No drugs or strippers, I swear! Can you leave now?" Pete begged, "I've had a terrible day and I just want to take my pants off and watch bad movies. Please?"

Pete's desperation only made Patrick more curious as to why he wouldn't let him in his room. Patrick does the fortnightly dorm checks for this whole floor and has seen just about everything, and even people with actual drugs and hookers hadn't been as twitchy as Pete is being. 

"No Pete, just let me in already" Patrick said forcefully and shoved Pete out of his way. 

"Patrick please" Pete whined as Patrick put his master key in the lock and pushed open the white wooden door. 

Patrick looked around the room, seeing nothing out of the ordinary until his eyes locked on a small, slow moving hot pink shell. "What the fuck is that? Is that a hermit crab?" 

"That's Princess" Pete said, crouching down to let the small crab climb into his hand. "She's very sweet. Hardly ever pinches. She keeps climbing out of the play pen though, naughty girl" he says the last part to the pink shell in his hand. 

"Well....this is a first" Patrick says about loud. On the inside he thinks "holy fuck, this guy is insane" then "why are all the cute guys insane?" 

"Please don't take them away from me! They're all I've got" 

"Them? How many hermit crabs do you have?!" Patrick was getting really concerned. 

"Four. And I love them all. I moved away from all of my family when I come to this college, and I had to leave my dog behind because I think hiding a dog would be a bit harder than hiding crabs. They're quiet and easy to look after and they give me something to fuss over when it's 4am and no one wants to listen to me whine" Pete rushed out all in one breath. 

"You're not allowed pets..." 

"Please they don't hurt anyone"

"It's my job to report this, Pete. If someone finds out I could lose my job"

"No one will find out! It'll be our little secret. I've kept them hidden from everyone but Brendon for six months" Pete was pouting and using his best puppy dog eyes at this point. "Please, I'll do anything!" 

"Anything?" Patrick smirked, "you'd do anything to keep your hermit crabs?" 

"Yes. Absolutely"

"Would you go on a date with me?"

"What? Are you kidding? I would go on a date with you for free any day" 

"Really?"

"Will you let me keep my hermit crabs?"

"I guess they're not hurting anyone, and they seem like your emotional support crabs...."

"Is that a yes?" A smile tugged at Pete's lips 

"Yes, you can keep your dumb crabs but don't tell anyone I knew about this!" Patrick waved his finger in Petes face like a school teacher 

"Thank you Patty! I'm so happy I could kiss you!" Pete jumped up and down rather dramatically, in Patrick's opinion and slapped a sloppy kiss on Patrick's cheek as he wrapped his arms around the blond. 

"Ow what the fuck!" Patrick yelped 

"Princess says thank you too" Pete smiles as he pulls back and holds up the crab that pinched Patrick with its claw while Pete was hugging him.


End file.
